<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I'll Find You by GayRainbowBridge</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690305">I'll Find You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayRainbowBridge/pseuds/GayRainbowBridge'>GayRainbowBridge</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tony x Avengers + Loki Stories/Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Animal Death, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Blood and Violence, Bruce Banner Has Issues, Character Death, Child Abuse, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Clint Barton, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Multi, Murder, Natasha needs, Protective Thor (Marvel), Recovery, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soulmates, Steve Rogers Feels, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tony Stark Cuddles, Tony Stark Needs a Hug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:34:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,472</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28690305</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayRainbowBridge/pseuds/GayRainbowBridge</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has finally gotten his soulmates. Only problem? He has five. The other problem? Most of them are guys and Howard isn't happy about it. In fact, he's so angry that he crosses out every one of Tony's soulmates before he can see them himself leaving one name behind.</p><p>Will Tony ever find all his soulmates? Or will he only be able to have her, the only one he has left?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bruce Banner/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark/Thor, Bruce Banner/Tony Stark, Clint Barton/Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Avengers Team, Tony Stark/Thor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tony x Avengers + Loki Stories/Oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2102964</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>256</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: child abuse, strong language, strong violence⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony was laying on his bed when it happened.</p><p>He was sprawled over it, the covers warm as he lay on his stomach in some pants and a loose shirt. It had been a long day at school and he needed a little <em>him</em> time to let off the tension built up in him.</p><p>He was fiddling with a piece of machinery, taking it apart and putting back together again. It was mostly to distract himself from his homework load he had to do. Yeah, he'd get it done in no time. That's why he was a genius, why he had skipped a grade ahead of everyone.</p><p>He was perfect.</p><p>He had to be.</p><p>He shuddered at the thought of not being perfect. Gods no. His Father would never forgive him. He'd disown him for it.</p><p>No, he was always perfect, so he had nothing to worry about. Well, almost perfect anyway. He tried his best to be. But sometimes...it wasn't enough.</p><p>He was nearly sixteen now. He would have thought he'd gotten it by now. But he was still waiting and his Father was getting impatient. He hoped everyday that he'd get it.</p><p>That he'd get his soulmate's name.</p><p>He shook his head, clearing his thoughts.</p><p>It would happen. He just needed to give it more time, that's all. And when he did get it, he'd do everything possible to find them.</p><p>He smiled at the thought of finally finding them. Being able to cherish them and treat them the way they deserved to be treated. He'd give them the world if they asked for it.</p><p>He just needed to be patient.</p><p>He went to place the machine on his bedside table, deciding to finally get on with his homework and get it out of the way when he felt it. Like a spark of fire across his back.</p><p>He gasped out, reaching around and pressing his hand down onto his lower back. It was only a second of pain before it made way to a pleasant warmth spreading across his back. He let out a slow, shaky breath, realizing what must have happened.</p><p>He had gotten his soulmate.</p><p>The excitement swelled inside of him at finally knowing who it was he belonged with. Who it was he was meant to be with.</p><p>He jumped out of bed, heart racing. He desperately wanted to check out who he'd got, but he fought down the impulse.</p><p>He had to tell his Father. He'd want to know.</p><p>Tony nodded, agreeing with himself. He could check what it looked like himself after. His Father would want to see it, make sure it was perfect. It had to be perfect.</p><p>With an effort, he went to the door, pulling it open and headed off to his Father's office room. He bounded down the stairs, eager to get it over with. It would only take a second, he told himself.</p><p>He reached his Father's study, listening to see if his Father had guests but it seemed he was alone.</p><p>He knocked first before slowly cracking the door open, peeking into the room.</p><p>He didn't see his Father anywhere. He pushed the door fully open, walking in.</p><p>He barely had time to duck before a glass bottle shattered over his head against the wall, glass spraying down over him.</p><p>His breath caught in his throat, fear gripping him.</p><p>His Father was drunk.</p><p>Tony always tried to avoid his Father when he was like this. Howard tended to be...rough with his son when he was bothered during his drinking. He still had the bruises from the last beating.</p><p>Tony stood frozen to the spot, too afraid to move. Even if he wasn't, he would get glass in his feet if he tried.</p><p>His Father glared at him, eyes unfocused as he looked at his son. "What the fuck do you want?"</p><p>Tony swallowed hard, wondering if he'd be able to make a break for it. He decides against it, though. It would only anger Howard more. He was here now so he might as well get it over with.</p><p>"I-I got my soulmate, Father," Tony stated as bravely as he could.</p><p>"Soulmate?" Howard repeated, frowning.</p><p>Tony nodded.</p><p>"Show me," his Father demanded.</p><p>Tony glanced at the glass on the floor around him, then back up at his Father. He took a breath, stepping over the glass as much as he could but still felt the sting as a piece caught in his foot. He ignored it though. It wouldn't be worth his Father anger to stop now.</p><p>He walked to his Father's side who sat up in the desk chair he was in a bit straighter. "Where is it?"</p><p>"M-my back, Sir," Tony mumbled.</p><p>His Father raised an eyebrow. "Turn around."</p><p>Tony did as told. He bit his lip as his Father gripped the bottom of his shirt, lifting it to expose his lower back. He waited with bated breath for his Father's judgment.</p><p>"...what the fuck is this?"</p><p>That didn't sound good.</p><p>"Father?" Tony asked hesitantly. "What...what is it? Who is it?"</p><p>His Father was silent for a moment. "You have boys. Boys, Anthony! What the fuck does that mean?! Are you gay?!"</p><p>Tony's heart both plummeted and soared. 'Boys'. As in more than one. He had more than one soulmate? That...that was so rare.</p><p>But no. He...he wasn't gay, was he? Oh gods, what if he was? His Father is going to be so mad about this. He didn't want to be punished. He couldn't control who it was he had for a soulmate.</p><p>But still, they were his soulmates. His Father's judgement didn't matter. Not now. This was too important.</p><p>"What are the names?" Tony asked quickly before wincing, realizing he'd ignored his Father's questions.</p><p>"Their names? You want to know these fucking freaks names?" Howard spat.</p><p>"They're not freaks!" Tony yelled as he whipped around to face his Father, anger spiking up.</p><p>He immediately regretted it as a hand cracked across his cheek. He shouted, pressing his hand to his cheek, tears welling up in his eyes. Dammit, why was he so weak?</p><p>A hand gripped his arm tight, spinning him around and bending him roughly over the desk table. Tony fought to free himself but his Father was stronger than him. He had always been so weak. Never enough. Never good enough.</p><p>"You are a disappointment to this family. You and your freak soulmates are pathetic!" His Father growled.</p><p>Tony felt as his shirt was once again pulled up and struggled harder.</p><p>"You'll neve find your freak soulmates if I can help it," Howard hissed and Tony's eyes flew wide at the press of a blade on his lower back.</p><p>"No..." Tony breathed, realizing what his Father was going to do. "No! Father, please! Don't—"</p><p>Tony felt the blade press down, ripping into his skin, straight across his back.</p><p>"One down. Three more to go," his Father whispered sadistically.</p><p>Tony sobbed, tears slipping down his cheeks as he struggled more. He couldn't let his Father take away what he'd wanted since he'd learned of soulmates. He couldn't...he couldn't do that to his soulmates. They deserved better, someone who could fight.</p><p>Another sting of the blade across his back.</p><p>Another soulmate, gone.</p><p>"F-Father, stop!" Tony yelled. No, he couldn't do this! He couldn't!</p><p>"Shut up or else I won't leave the girl," his Father said, gripping Tony's arm that was bent behind his back to an even more painful angle.</p><p>He whimpered, caught between wanting to salvage at least one of his soulmates and lose the others or fight and possibly lose them all.</p><p>Another scrap of the blade signaled the loss of another soulmate. He let the tears fall freely now. He couldn't hold them back. Maybe if he stayed still then he would still be able to make out their names, once they healed enough—</p><p>Then the last cut was made, another soulmate gone and Tony wanted to scream.</p><p>It was almost worse than them being dead. They would live without him, looking for someone who didn't know who they were. He couldn't imagine the pain of not ever being able to find your soulmate. And now he was the cause of that pain for all the soulmates he's now lost.</p><p>His Father let his arm go and he slumped down onto the floor, no energy left in him to scream or fight. Nothing.</p><p>"Get out of my sight," Howard said coldly, no remorse in his eyes as he turned away from his son.</p><p>Tony struggled to his feet, stumbling out the room, ignoring the new glass he got in his feet along the way, blood smearing the floor.</p><p>He went to his room, locking it behind him. He wanted to just lay down on the floor and cry, but he forced himself to walk to the bathroom. His Father could change his mind at any second. He had to check while he still had the chance.</p><p>He closed the bathroom door, yanking his shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor. He turned in front of the mirror, looking over his shoulder.</p><p>And there it was. The last name left. The others cut through with a jagged bloody line. But her name was there, the last one he had left, his only hope.</p><p>
  <em>'Natalia Romanova.'</em>
</p><p>He took a shuddering breath as he spoke.</p><p>"I'll find you. I'll find you and I'll be the best s-soulmate you could ever wish for. I p-promise—" his voice cracked as fresh tears fell. "Y-you're all I have left."</p><p>Tony reached a hand behind his back, brushing her name with his fingers.</p><p>"I'll find you," he promised.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Steve, stop being a prat," Bucky sighed as Steve continuously poked his side.</p><p>"Come on, Bucky! Show me your soulmate already!" Steve whined, poking Bucky's side even harder just to be annoying as well as spur Bucky on to show him who he got.</p><p>"Okay, alright! You win! Stop poking me already," Bucky grumbled, shoving Steve playfully.</p><p>Steve's smile was blinding as Bucky rolled up his left sleeve, holding out his wrist for Steve to see.</p><p>Steve blinked a few times at the name. "It's..."</p><p>"A guy. I know," Bucky sighed, letting his head fall back to hit the back of the couch they sat on. "Just my luck to get a dude for a soulmate."</p><p>"Sam Wilson," Steve read. He thought for a minute. "It might not be a guy's name. Sam is a girl's name too. Girls shorten long names to Sam. It could be Samantha or something."</p><p>Bucky shook his head. "No. Soulmates always show full names. First and last names," Bucky explained before sighing again. "Doesn't matter anyway. Guy or girl, you know I'm down for it. I just gotta be careful no one sees my soulmate's name."</p><p>Steve nodded. "That's probably best. Wish we lived in a time when being with guys was okay."</p><p>Bucky grinned. "You and you're gay ass is going to get you killed."</p><p>Steve flushed. "I don't just like guys, Bucky. I like girls. It's...it's complicated, okay?"</p><p>Bucky smirked. "Sure thing, buddy."</p><p>"Jerk," Steve mumbled.</p><p>"Punk," Bucky laughed.</p><p>"What did it feel like? Did it give a warning or did it just appear and you saw it later?" Steve asked curiously.</p><p>"It was like...hot. Like a burn. But then...it was warm," Bucky tried to explain to the best of his ability.</p><p>"How long until I get mine, do you think?" Steve said quietly.</p><p>Bucky chewed his lip. "Not sure. You really should have gotten it by now, so it should appear any day now."</p><p>"I hope so," Steve murmured. "What if...what if I don't ever get one?"</p><p>He couldn't keep the fear out of his voice. There were rare occurrences recorded in History when someone never got a soulmate. No mark, no indication of it. Steve wouldn't be able to handle it if that happened to him.</p><p>Never getting his soulmate? He would be destroyed.</p><p>"You'll get them, Stevey. Don't stress over it. Save that for when you do have them and stress about finding them," Bucky said, giving Steve a wry smile.</p><p>Steve managed a small smile in return though he didn't feel it. "Hey, Buck?"</p><p>"Hm?" Bucky hummed, glancing at Steve.</p><p>Steve looked at his best friend. "I wanted to ask...if you don't find your soulmate and I don't find mine...would you..." Steve swallowed. "How about me and you. Together."</p><p>Bucky raised an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth twitching up. "Me and you? I don't know, Steve—"</p><p>Steve felt like he'd been doused with cold water. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have suggested that—"</p><p>"Whoa, Stevey," Bucky said, grabbing Steve's hand as he made to get up. "I'm joking. Of course I'll be with you."</p><p>Steve let out a breath of obvious relief. Bucky was his best friend. He didn't want to screw that up. "So...you're okay with it? Us?"</p><p>Bucky smiled. "If I can't have my soulmate then I'd be honored to have you."</p><p>Steve did smile then. Bucky leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Steve's forehead.</p><p>"You wanna stay the night?" Steve asked, suddenly.</p><p>Bucky grinned. "Thought you'd never ask."</p><hr/><p>Steve woke up with a searing hot pain in his arm like he'd been burned. He clamped his hand over his mouth before he could shout out and wake Bucky who was asleep beside him.</p><p>The pain ebbed away, a warmth now spreading down his arm, soothing and calming his rapid heart rate.</p><p>Unfortunately, it went straight back up again when he remembered Bucky's words, echoing in his head.</p><p>
  <em>'It was like...hot. Like a burn. But then...it was warm.'</em>
</p><p>His soulmate.</p><p>Steve heart thudded in his chest as he gripped his sleeve, yanking it up to his shoulder.</p><p>He stared wide-eyed at the name on the outer part of his arm, close to his shoulder. It was like a tattoo, ink black.</p><p>His breath caught in his throat as he read the name.</p><p>
  <em>'Anthony Stark.'</em>
</p><p>A bubble of joy swelled in Steve's chest, forgetting about letting Bucky sleep as he turned to his best friend, pushing his shoulder. "Bucky! Bucky, wake up!"</p><p>Bucky groaned, his eyes opening. "What? You good there? Just wake me up at the crack of dawn why don't cha?"</p><p>"I got my soulmate!" Steve said excitedly, too ecstatic to pay attention to Bucky's sarcasm.</p><p>Bucky blinked a few times, still trying to catch up on whatever it was that was going on. When he finally caught up, understanding crossed his face. He sat up, grinning. "That's great, Stevey! I told ya you'd get them."</p><p>"It's...it's a guy," Steve said slowly. He knew Bucky wouldn't hold it against him, would support him. But it still took a lot of courage for him to say.</p><p>Bucky smiled softly. "Congrats. You are officially part of the gay gang."</p><p>Steve rolled his eyes. "Very funny."</p><p>"Lemme see him," Bucky said and Steve turned so Bucky could see his right arm properly.</p><p>"...a Stark?" Bucky said after a moment.</p><p>Steve slowly nodded. "You think Howard has relatives with this name?"</p><p>Bucky shook his head. "I don't know. You'll have to ask. Can't be a kid of his. He's single, ain't he?"</p><p>"Think so. I'll ask tomorrow," Steve said after a moment.</p><p>"Great. Now can we sleep? I'm exhausted," Bucky said, resting back down onto the pillows.</p><p>Steve chewed at his lip before moving closer to Bucky, cuddling into his side. He closed his eyes with a sigh, thoughts of his soulmate swirling in his mind.</p><p>"I thought we'd wait until we knew we wouldn't find our soulmates? Like, once we're thirty or forty," Bucky said though he still put a comforting arm around Steve.</p><p>"Nothing wrong with best friend cuddles," Steve stated, snuggling closer.</p><p>"That is so not a thing," Bucky protested, but it was in vain.</p><p>Steve was already asleep.</p><hr/><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>Steve knew he was likely getting on Howard's nerves, but this was just so important that he couldn't help but ask again and again.</p><p>He was starting to sound like a broken record.</p><p>"No, Rogers. I don't know anyone by the name of Anthony Stark," Howard told him for the hundredth time most likely.</p><p>Steve's heart sank at the words but nodded, finally accepting what Howard said was true. "Alright. Thank you anyway."</p><p>He went home feeling dejected. He had a soulmate who apparently didn't exist. Stark was a very important name. If Howard didn't know who Anthony Stark was...</p><p>Steve shook his head. He just had to look harder. He'd find him. He just had to think positive.</p><p>He pulled up his sleeve, looking down at his soulmates name. He closed his eyes, lifting two fingers to his mouth, kissing lightly before pressing them to his soulmates name.</p><p>"I'll find you," he whispered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: abuse, attempt murder, child abuse, murder, strong language, strong violence, suicidal thoughts⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Lucky! Lucky, get down!"</p><p>Clint groaned as Lucky kept nuzzling into his side and giving him big blue eyes. Damn dog.</p><p>Clint sighed, picking up his last bit of bacon and reaching down. Lucky took it in his mouth, devouring it with gusto. Clint smiled. God's, he loves his dog.</p><p>"Clinton!"</p><p>Clint jumped, looking up at his parent. "Yeah, Dad?"</p><p>"Don't feed that thing your food. You're wasting it," Harold stated, glaring. "Wasting my hard earned money for food on some <em>mut</em>."</p><p>Clint clenched his hands under the table. "He isn't a mut."</p><p>"Bullshit," Harold growled.</p><p>"Harold—"</p><p>"Shut up, woman!" Clint's Dad snapped at Edith, Clint's Mother.</p><p>Clint stared down at his empty plate. He took a moment to get control of his emotions before he stood, taking his plate to the sink to wash up.</p><p>He didn't understand how soulmates could fight like that. His Dad was always snapping at his Mum and she just took it. It was frustrating, not being able to do anything to protect her. The last time he'd tried...</p><p>He forced his hands not to reach up to his ears, scrubbing his plate clean before placing it in the rack to dry. He didn't want to think about that. Sure he'd only been, what? Twelve? Twelve years old when his Dad had thought it would be a great idea to stick arrows into his own son's ears.</p><p>Dammit, don't think about that.</p><p>He still had a hard time hearing. Not that it matters. His parents always yelled loud enough for him to hear it.</p><p>He hoped his soulmate wouldn't argue with him like his parents did to one another.</p><hr/><p>He could hear them yelling again, his Dad trying to speak over his Mum. He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, trying to ignore it all.</p><p>His door opened. He sat up to see his Brother walk in, smiling easily. Clint returned the smile, though it felt strained.</p><p>"Hey, what's up?" Clint asked, hands in his lap as Barney shut the door, walking over and sitting beside Clint.</p><p>"Let's run away," Barney said, completely out of the blue.</p><p>"What?" Clint asked, both eyebrow shooting to his hairline. "What do you mean 'run away'?"</p><p>"Leave. Go somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but here is better," Barney said, scowling.</p><p>Clint bit his lip. "We need a plan, Barney. We can't just...leave. We need an idea of what we will do to survive."</p><p>"I have a plan. The circus comes into town in a few days. We can join up. You're getting pretty damn good with the bow. Three days? Plenty of time to pack the things we need. Food, clothes, whatever. But," Barney looked at him, "I can't leave you behind. I need you to come with me. Please."</p><p>"Our Mum—"</p><p>"Can't be saved," Barney cut across him. "You know she won't leave Dad."</p><p>He was right. He usually always was.</p><p>"Okay," Clint said after a few moments of silence. "Okay, I'm in."</p><hr/><p>Everything went downhill by the second night.</p><p>Barney had been caught stealing food from the kitchen and was getting a beating from Dad. Clint could hear the crack of the belt on skin from his room. He pressed his hands over his ears to block it out.</p><p>
  <em>'He'll be okay. He's strong. He'll be okay—'</em>
</p><p>But then the screaming started. His Mum. His Dad yelled back. He heard Lucky barking.</p><p>It sounded like chaos and Clint couldn't bear it anymore.</p><p>He raced out of his room, heading for the kitchen when suddenly everything went silent. Clint stopped when he saw Barney running up to him. "Grab your stuff. We're leaving."</p><p>"Is Mum okay—?"</p><p>"Clinton!" Barney said, distress in his tone. "Get your stuff. Now, go!"</p><p>Clint didn't wait for him to tell him again. He went back to his room, grabbing his pack and his bow and quiver full of arrows. He walked out, mentally preparing himself as he went to the kitchen.</p><p>Blood. Everywhere.</p><p>His Mum wasn't moving, but her eyes were open. Glassy. Unseeing.</p><p>A sob tore out of Clint's throat. No, no, no, this couldn't be happening. It couldn't!</p><p>He didn't think it could get worse. Nothing could make this worse.</p><p>He was wrong.</p><p>There he was. His fur slick with blood, heaving, struggling to breathe.</p><p>"Lucky!" Clint yelled, running to his faithful pet, dropping down on his knees beside him. "No! No, please n-no. Not you too. I-I can't—" Clint sobbed, running his hands through Lucky's bloody fur.</p><p>Lucky whined low in his throat, blood running sluggishly from a wound in his side. A knife wound. Someone had stabbed his dog.</p><p>"Please. P-please don't leave me," Clint begged, his head falling into the clean fur of Lucky's neck. "P-please."</p><p>Lucky licked the side of his cheek...</p><p>...then moved no more.</p><p>Clint felt like his heart was tearing itself in half as he pulled himself away, seeing Barney, his face pained as he held out his hand, pulling Clint shakily to his feet again.</p><p>"We have to go before he wakes up," he said softly.</p><p>Clint nodded, unable to speak.</p><p>They were leaving the kitchen when he saw the culprit of all this horror and death. He seemed like he'd been knocked unconscious, but was starting to stir.</p><p>Clint stopped, facing his Dad who opened his eyes, gaze pained as he looked at his two sons.</p><p>"That's right. Run away from your problems like cowards," Harold stated bitterly.</p><p>Clint dropped his pack, unslinging his bow and pulling an arrow from his quiver, sliding it into his bow and pulling taut.</p><p>He let it loose.</p><p>The look of fear was the last emotion Clint ever saw in his Dad's eyes before they went blank, an arrow protruding from his head, blood dripping down between dead eyes.</p><p>Clint's hands shook as he lowered his weapon, Barney carefully taking his wrist, tugging him along.</p><p>He turned and didn't look back.</p><hr/><p>It had been years now and the circus for the most part had been great.</p><p>Mostly.</p><p>Except he knew this wasn't a good place. The only reason he wasn't yet dead was because he was good at what he did. He made sure not to anger the wrong people. He played nice but didn't act oblivious either. He wasn't stupid. He knew he was always in constant danger.</p><p>But when the day came that he very nearly died, it wasn't because of attempt murder at all.</p><p>He was on the tightrope once again, hundreds of feet above the ground, nothing below him to stop him from splattering on impact with the ground.</p><p>He was doing well. He was an amazing acrobat. He barely ever screwed up. He never let himself make mistakes. He told himself that mistakes were not acceptable, not here, not now, not ever.</p><p>He used to let himself relax, let his guard down and make mistakes. He told himself that's what learning was. Making mistakes and learning from them.</p><p>The swords master had that beaten out of him.</p><p>Now he never relaxed. When he slept, he slept in high places where they couldn't reach him and smother him in his sleep. When he trained, he was always tense, waiting to be attacked. When he ate, he checked all his food over for any signs of poisoning. It wouldn't have been the first time for any of those.</p><p>But just as he was doing a flip for the audience below, a searing pain flared up in his left calf. He yelped, distracted and missed the rope.</p><p>He very nearly fell, only just managing to grip the rope with his fingers. His heart pounded loudly in his ears, knowing certain death was only a hundred feet below and the slip of a hand away.</p><p>And for a scary moment, he was tempted to just let go. His whole life had been one misery after another. Even his Brother seemed to be growing cold towards him. He'd lost his Mum, his dog. He'd been beaten and abused. He didn't know one person to keep living for. What was the point of holding onto hope anymore? What was the point of holding onto this rope? It would be so easy to just let go...</p><p>His grip started to loosen.</p><p>Then the pain melted into warmth and Clint's breath caught in his throat.</p><p>His soulmate. He'd gotten his soulmate.</p><p>"Oh my God," Clint breathed, tears streaking down his cheeks. When had he starting crying?</p><p>But then his grip tightened again and his tears didn't matter. What mattered what surviving. He reached up his other hand, snagging the rope, holding on for dear life he now wanted so badly. He used all his remaining energy to make it to the platform, pulling himself up onto it.</p><p>He was alive.</p><p>He barely let himself catch his breath before he was pulling up his pant leg almost viciously to get to the name of his soulmate who had just saved his life.</p><p>
  <em>'Anthony Stark.'</em>
</p><p>Later when he suffered through another beating for fucking up the performance, Clint took it with his head held high. He wouldn't be afraid any longer. He'd escape this place. He'd look for his soulmate. He would do everything it took to find him, even if it cost him his life that his soulmate saved without their knowledge.</p><p>The night before he escaped the circus, the night before he found out about Barney's betrayal, the night before wandering the streets for weeks, struggling for survival before finally being found by Shield, he took one long look at the name of his soulmate on his calf, reaching down and gently running a single finger over the name.</p><p>"I'll find you," he murmured.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"This is a bad idea."</p><p>Thor saw as his younger Brother rolled his eyes. "You think every idea I have is a bad idea."</p><p>"That's because they usually are," Thor pointed out with a teasing smile.</p><p>Loki smirked. "Maybe. Now help me get up to that window," Loki said, nodding at the window above him. Thor shook his head with a sigh.</p><p>"Is this really all worth it just for a dessert?" Thor asked, though he put his hands together for Loki to step his foot into it which he did. "If Father catches us we'll be in big trouble."</p><p>"You wouldn't be saying that if you missed out on dessert for something that was not your fault," Loki as Thor helped push him up to reach the window. "How was I meant to know that setting a stuck up brat on fire was a bad thing?"</p><p>Thor smiled wryly. He didn't argue with Loki. There was no point in trying to make Loki see reason. He knew Loki was a stubborn one but he loved that about his Brother.</p><p>Thor watched as Loki reached up before the smile he had suddenly faded, a pain flaring on his abdomen. "Loki!"</p><p>Loki looked down at Thor worriedly. "Thor?"</p><p>Thor let his hands fall and Loki tumbled back to the ground with an undignified yelp of shock.</p><p>"Thor!" He stated angrily, pushing his long raven hair from his face to glare properly at his older Brother.</p><p>"I-I'm sorry," Thor managed, a hand pressed to the side of his stomach. The pain was still there, burning his side. It was hot, like boiling water or a flame.</p><p>Loki became worried once more. "Thor, are you hurt?" He asked, walking to Thor, covering the hand on his stomach, fear in those green eyes. "What is it? Are you in pain?"</p><p>Thor was about to answer yes when the pain suddenly gave way to a sudden warmth, sinking into his skin, soothing the prickling skin. "I...it's gone."</p><p>"Gone?" Loki inquired curiously. "Thor, explain to me what happened."</p><p>"There was...a burning pain and then...warmth," Thor tried explaining. He knew he likely sounded mad but that's what he had felt.</p><p>Loki didn't look at him like he had grown a second head though. In fact, understanding passed his face before he tugged at Thor's hand, trying to move it. "Lift your shirt."</p><p>Thor was confused at the request, but did as asked. Loki looked over the skin of Thor's stomach before finding what he was looking for. "There," he said, pointing at a mark that Thor hadn't noticed.</p><p>It was a small printed word. Two words actually in black ink it seemed.</p><p>"Anthony Stark," Loki read, almost amazed. He looked up at Thor with bright eyes. "You do know what this means, don't you?"</p><p>"Of course I do, Loki. Don't take me for an idiot," Thor said, waving a hand as excitement started coursing through him.</p><p>"That name sounds Midgardian," Loki deduced. "Your soulmate may be mortal."</p><p>"Is that bad?" Thor said with a slight frown.</p><p>Loki shook his head. "Not necessarily. But they do die much quicker."</p><p>"I must go tell Father of this at once," Thor declared. "The sooner I find them, the better.</p><p>He stood, bid Loki goodbye and went off to find his Father.</p><p>His soulmate. He had finally gotten his soulmate!</p><p>...</p><p>Father had been thrilled to learn of Thor getting his soulmate.  There had been a feast to celebrate in Thor's honor.</p><p>Loki watched it from afar, across the room. He didn't want to ruin Thor's moment by being close to him or someone asking him where <em>his</em> soul mark was.</p><p>He was there for barely an hour before he left the party, back to his own room. He locked the door of his room before flopping down on his bed. He grabbed the nearest pillow, hugging it to his chest.</p><p>He was still waiting on his soulmate's mark to appear. It should have appeared by now. But then again, their family had always had late appearances for soul marks.</p><p>But now Thor had his. Loki had to get his soon too, right?</p><p>Loki hugged his pillow tighter. He'd get his soulmate. He had nothing to worry about. Everything will be okay. Everything would work out. He just needed to keep being patient.</p><p>Loki closed his eyes, breathing slowly to keep calm. He had to get his soul mark. He had been alone so much of his life already. If he didn't get a soul mark then he'd be alone forever and-</p><p>"Please, don't leave me alone," Loki breathed, chest constricting painfully. "Please."</p><p>...</p><p>Thor visited his Brother after the party to find Loki fast asleep. He had walked into the room, creeping over to check on Loki and saw that he was resting. He turned to leave only to bang his foot on the dresser and shout a curse.</p><p>Loki woke, sitting up to look at Thor before smirking. "Never were one for sneaking around, were you?"</p><p>Thor huffed, looking back at Loki. "I just came to see you. I wanted to make sure that you were alright."</p><p>"Why would I not be?" Loki asked warily as Thor sat on the bed near him.</p><p>"I know you've been waiting for your soul mark to appear for ages. I know it means much to you. You've been more eager for it then I have, even," Thor stated matter of factly.</p><p>Loki picked at the blanket. "Is that so?"</p><p>"It is," Thor said with a nod. "But you mustn't fret. I know you'll find your soulmate, Brother. I promise you that. You'll find them."</p><p>"As will you, Thor," Loki said softly, leaning into his older Brother, seeking out the warmth.</p><p>Thor wrapped his arms around Loki, relaxing back in the bed as Loki snuggled into him. He threw the blanket over them both, saying nothing as Loki's hand snaked under his shirt, resting over Thor's soul mark.</p><p><em>'You'll</em><em> find them, Loki,' </em>Thor thought to himself.<em> 'You won't have to be </em><em>alone</em><em>.'</em></p><p>They both drifted off to sleep with the same thought in their minds.</p><p>
  <em>'I'll find you.'</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>✒Hot damn, only two more to go before things really start kicking off. Are you ready?✒</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: self harm, self hate, strong language, strong violence, suicidal thoughts⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bruce didn't understand it. He never had. He didn't think he ever would, either.</p>
<p>What was the point of a soulmate?</p>
<p>Bruce sat in his room, watching the light under the crack of his door. He could hear his Mum and Dad yelling. He could see shadows flitter under the door as either one of them passed it, back and forth.</p>
<p>The shouting grew louder.</p>
<p>Bruce shrank back into his corner, tears slipping down his face as he listened to his Mother's words drifting under the door.</p>
<p>"You've turned our son into some freak! A monster! How could you do that to him?! He was just a little boy. A babe. And you've gone and turned him into a lab experiment!"</p>
<p>Bruce buries his face between his knees, hands over his head as if to fend off the blow of an attacker, but there was no stopping the words reaching his ears as his Mum practically shrieked at his Father.</p>
<p>He was fifteen. Her words shouldn't hurt so much, shouldn't cut so deep. But they did. They hurt to hear from his Mother. The one person he had thought would love him no matter what.</p>
<p>"He could be the start of the answer to immortality! Nothing can hurt him! Shoot him with a gun and see what happens!"</p>
<p>Bruce's eyes widened at his Dad's words. They wouldn't...they couldn't do that to him. Even if it was true, they wouldn't risk...</p>
<p>...but then again, was a freak in his Mother's eyes and an experiment in his Father's. What did they care if he was hurt?</p>
<p>"If I did he would turn into that <em>thing</em>. It would kill me. It could kill us both and you don't seem to care! How could you do this! Why did I ever marry a madman like you!"</p>
<p>SMACK!</p>
<p>Bruce flinched back, curling up tighter. That slap had been loud and sharp. It wasn't the first time he'd known his Father hit his Mother, but it was the first time he'd heard it instead of seeing it too.</p>
<p>It scared him.</p>
<p>"You listen to me. You're my soulmate. You know that's damn well why you married me. And you should be fucking grateful. You're nothing, pathetic! You should be kissing my shoes for me taking pity on someone like you!"</p>
<p>Bruce could hear his Mum sniffling. He wanted to go out there and hug her, to comfort her. But he didn't. She would only push him away because of what she now knew was inside of him.</p>
<p>"You will tell no one about him or it. If you do, I'll make sure you regret it. Do you understand me?!"</p>
<p>A pause.</p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>Bruce let out a slow breath. He wasn't sure if he was relieved they had stopped fighting or not. He listened to the footsteps fade away.</p>
<p>The door opened.</p>
<p>Bruce looked up at his Mum with teary eyes. His Mother looked back with just as equally sad eyes. She walked over, kneeling down in front of him.</p>
<p>He scooted away, pressing into his tight corner, back against the wall. His Mum didn't want to touch him. He was a freak. A monster. She shouldn't touch him.</p>
<p>He didn't want to hurt her.</p>
<p>"Sh, Brucey, honey. It's okay. We're going to figure this out. We're going to get out of here, I promise," she said softly, reaching out again.</p>
<p>Bruce froze, staying as still as possible as she brushed a hand through his brown curls. He let his eyes flutter shut, leaning into it ever so slightly.</p>
<p>"We'll get it out of you, I promise. We'll go somewhere safe, away from your Father where he can't hurt you," she said softly. "Everything will be okay."</p>
<p>Bruce hiccuped, looking up at her eyes. "A-am I a f-freak?"</p>
<p>His Mum's eyes looked pained but she shook her head. "No, baby. You're not a freak."</p>
<p>"B-but you s-said-" Bruce sobbed, holding his arms tightly around his legs. "Y-you said I was a freak. A m-monster."</p>
<p>Mother shook her head. "I didn't mean you, babe. I meant what's inside you. That's the monster...and your Father. But you're still my sweet little boy."</p>
<p>Bruce wouldn't look at her now. He knew she was lying. How could anyone love a freak like him? "Okay. I'm...I'm tired. Can...can you leave?"</p>
<p>Mum chewed her lip but was already nodding, standing and walking to the door. She turned to look back at him. "I love you."</p>
<p>Bruce stared at the floor between his bare feet. "I love you too, Mum."</p>
<p>She smiled, but Bruce didn't see it before the door shut, leaving him alone. Just how he wanted it to be. Alone, forever, so he couldn't hurt anyone. He didn't want to hurt anyone.</p>
<p>Even if it hurt him.</p>
<p>Bruce stood shakily, walking to the bathroom across the room. He let the door shut behind him, turning the lock. He didn't need Mum walking in on him if she came to check on him later.</p>
<p>He pulled the drawers open, harshly almost and searched through it until he found it. He pushed the drawer back shut, a bit calmer now that he had it in his hand.</p>
<p>Bruce slid down the bathroom wall till his butt hit the floor, drawing his legs close to his chest as was possible. He balanced his left arm on his knees, biting hard at his lip.</p>
<p>He wasn't weak. He was just...</p>
<p>Bruce shook his head. He didn't know what he was anymore.</p>
<p>He swallowed, lifting the razor and placed it over the skin of his forearm. Taking shallow breaths, he pressed down very gently.</p>
<p>He watched in sick fascination, the green shade that spread across the assaulted area.</p>
<p>
  <em>'Freak, monster, lab experiment-'</em>
</p>
<p>Tears fell free once more. He couldn't be hurt. Not by himself or someone else. No one could harm him anymore. It was literally impossible. Nothing could ever hurt him ever again.</p>
<p>So why did it still hurt?</p>
<p>Bruce forced his rapid breathing to slow. Deep breaths. In and out. Just stay calm. A few more calming breaths...</p>
<p>He tried again.</p>
<p>He pressed down a little more and eyes went wide as he felt a prick and a stinging pain. Blood rose up around the point of the blade.</p>
<p>He'd done it.</p>
<p>Bruce felt more tears fall before he took another slow breath and pressed down a little harder.</p>
<p>More blood rose up but he felt it. Under his skin it shifted, a low growl in his mind.</p>
<p>Bruce shuddered, cowering more into the wall. But he couldn't escape the monster. Because it was inside of him. He was it.</p>
<p>There was no escaping himself.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Out of nowhere it came.</p>
<p>A flare of pain straight across the side of his throat.</p>
<p>He choked as he sat up, pressing a hand to his neck. For a moment he wondered if his Mother had come to kill him, to kill the monster in him, but he was still alone.</p>
<p>Bruce scrambled to his feet, ignoring the sticky blood covering the floor of the bathroom he'd fallen asleep in.</p>
<p>By the time he reached the mirror, the pain had melted into warmth. He let his shaky hand move away as he inspected his now blood streaked neck from the blood still of his fingers.</p>
<p>But he could see it. Standing out black against the blood.</p>
<p>What was that-?</p>
<p>Bruce's breath caught. He whipped around, grabbing the towel from the wrap and wiped the blood away from the name. Because he knew it was a name.</p>
<p>His soulmate's name.</p>
<p>He turned back to the mirror, looking at the name with wide eyes.</p>
<p>
  <em>'Anthony Stark.'</em>
</p>
<p>Bruce let out a slow breath. He wasn't even sure before if he could get his soulmate after everything his Dad had done. But he could. He did.</p>
<p>He let a finger trace over the name, accidentally smearing it with blood.</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>He couldn't have a soulmate. He could...he could hurt them...</p>
<p>Bruce forced back the tears, the hopelessness of it all. He was given this, his soulmate, someone he was supposed to fall in love with and them with him, a gift.</p>
<p>But who could ever fall in love with a monster?</p>
<p>Besides, even if he did find them, and they did love him despite what he was (the thought brought forth new tears) he could hurt them. The thing inside him could hurt them.</p>
<p>He wouldn't let it happen.</p>
<p>Bruce gripped the edge of the sink with his bloodied hands, the cuts up his arms standing out around the slowly growing green.</p>
<p>He knew, even though he shouldn't, he would still try to find them. And if they didn't want him, then that was it. He would leave. Find a way to get rid of himself permanently. It was the best option. Then he couldn't hurt anyone.</p>
<p>Bruce's eyes flicked up to the mirror, his eyes on the soul mark, his soulmate's name and he promised himself then that he'd never harm them.</p>
<p>Slowly, Bruce reached up again to touch the mark again. He felt drawn to it. A surge of determination went through him, ignoring the tips of his fingers touching the mark that were turning green.</p>
<p>"I'll find you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>✒Bruce needs a goddamn fuvking hug✒</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: implied/referenced rape, strong violence⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Natasha liked to pretend that she never had a soulmate.</p><p>Because really, she hadn't and she never would. She never knew who her soulmate was, knew she would never find them, but still, she hoped that one day she would.</p><p>Everything she knew started with the death of both her parents. She remembered them sometimes, what they had been like, how they had treated her, how they acted towards her and wished she didn't. How and why they died, she didn't know. All she knew was that they had left her alone in the world to fend for herself.</p><p>And she had for the most part, been able to do just that. Living on the streets, trying to survive.</p><p>She learned to fight, to fend of the men who tried to hurt her though she didn't always win. She learned to hide from the darkness in her heart and mind though again, she didn't always win. She learned to run from her past to forget about her trauma, the people she had left behind.</p><p>That, she never won against.</p><p>Then one day, she was found by a woman who called herself Madame B.</p><p>Natasha, only eleven years old, had been curled up on the sidewalk, trying to sleep as thunder boomed through the night and the rain poured down on her.</p><p>Until it wasn't.</p><p>Natasha had looked up to see a woman standing over her, the umbrella she held sheltering Natasha from the rain. The woman had smiled, her smile sharp and eyes cold. She took Natasha in, gave her food and shelter. In exchange, Natasha was to come to an academy and learn a new skill.</p><p>To become the perfect little assassin.</p><p>At the time, she didn't know what was in store for her until she arrived. Then she saw the blank, emotionless faces of the students there. All young girls ranging from eleven to eighteen. Most were silent, barely talking unless they had to. Others were constantly practicing, bettering themselves, never stopping, unrelenting.</p><p>Her lessons started the day she arrived there. They practiced ballet, over and over again. The same routine. The same steps. It made her want to scream for something different.</p><p>It wasn't what she thought she'd have to learn but Madame B. had told her that it was so she would become fluid in her movements. Natasha eventually came to realize Madame B. had been right.</p><p>Every night she would sleep in the dark with the other girls, her wrist chained to the bedpost. The first night she had protested against it, the other girls watching with blank expressions as Natasha was taken from the dorm and thrown into a dark room. She had screamed and banged her fists on the locked door, demanding to be let out, to be let go. She screamed until her throat was raw and her fists were bloody.</p><p>No one came.</p><p>Back then, she didn't know there were worse things to be afraid of then the dark.</p><p>By the time she was thirteen, she had learned that it was best to just do as told. To stay quiet and only speak when spoken to. She tried to escape countless times but never managed it, always stopped at the last hurdle. Even if she did escape, she had nowhere to go. So she stopped trying.</p><p>She only ever fought now when she was instructed to. She worked relentlessly and without mercy. This was no place for pity as that was only for the weak.</p><p>Especially when it came to handling weapons. There were no bullet boards to shoot. Only faceless people. People with family, friends, their whole life ahead of them, but all they were to the students were a target. Natasha knew if she didn't kill them, then she would be the next target.</p><p>There was no such thing as mercy.</p><p>Natasha stood beside Madame B. watching the young girls dancing and twirling, smiles on their faces, completely oblivious to the horror that was soon to meet them. They were new, only just brought to the academy, just as oblivious as Natasha had been when she first arrived.</p><p>"You'll break them," Natasha said, withholding the emotions battling inside of her. She was fifteen now, a star student at the academy. She should know better than to feel pity.</p><p>"Only the breakable ones," Madame B. said, her eyes cold.</p><p>Natasha didn't reply to that, knowing Madame B. was right. Besides, what could she do? She couldn't save them. She could barely save herself.</p><p>"What if I fail?" Natasha whispered, almost to herself. She had seen the girls who had failed the final exam been taken away, never to be seen again. No one knew what happened to them. Some said it was better that way, that the fear of not knowing pushed them harder to pass so they did not meet the same fate.</p><p>"You never fail," Madame B. said dismissively. It wasn't the answer Natasha wanted, but she knew it was all she would get.</p><p>She slept fitfully that night, barely getting an ounce of sleep as she listened to the young girls screaming and crying for a home they no longer had.</p><p>The next morning, Natasha was far more quiet than normal. She had already been quiet to begin with, but now she didn't even answer when spoken to, only doing as directed to.</p><p>She was mentally preparing herself as she watched the blonde girl being accessed now, twisting and turning to avoid the man trying to pin her down. She lasted roughly three minutes before she was slammed against the wall, arms held in one large hand above her head. Natasha saw as the man applied more and more pressure until—</p><p>SNAP!</p><p>The blonde girl screamed, tears streaking down flushed red cheeks as the bones in her wrist broke and the man released her. She fell to her knees, gripping her broken wrist gingerly as she cried.</p><p>Madame B. held no sympathy in her eyes as she mutely shook her head. Her eyes were cold as the girl was pulled to her feet by two others who pulled her from the training room.</p><p>"Natalia Romanova. You're up," Madame B. stated, making Natasha jump at being addressed. Usually she was rather cool and composed but her nerves were shot after watching that display.</p><p>She walked forward, forcing herself to stand straight, to keep her legs from giving out. Now wasn't the time for that. It never would be. She had to be strong, had to be <em>perfect</em> constantly.</p><p>Green eyes looked up at the man waiting for her at the center of the room and internally shivered. She knew him, those taunting smirk and cruel eyes. She remembered how he had gotten her along, how he had pushed her to the ground and taken her just like those sick men on the streets had.</p><p>Natasha hadn't told anyone, not even Madame B though Natasha was sure she knew about what the men had done before she found her.</p><p>Natasha stood stiffly as she faced her opponent and all her fears. The man grinned, leering almost. "Hello, sweetheart."</p><p>Her stomach lurched as she glanced at Madame B and remembered the first time she had 'failed' but Madame B had known and forced her to do it again, properly. There was no faking her way out of this. She could only endure.</p><p>The man smirked at her and she could still feel those cold hands on her, those lips biting harshly at her neck, could feel him in her against her will and rage spilled into her chest making her fists clench as the man stepped one foot forward.</p><p>That was as far as he got.</p><p>In seconds it was over. All Natasha felt was blinding rage and saw red before she was staring down at the man dead at her feet, his neck snapped clean. She thought she'd feel happy, relief even at getting back at one of her rapists, for taking revenge on him.</p><p>All she felt was empty.</p><p>"Very well done," Madame B said, her voice sounding far away to Natasha's ears. "Seems you did need that extra push to pass."</p><p>Natasha looked over at her, dazed as she tried to comprehend what the woman was saying. "What—"</p><p>"Surely you don't think we let men take advantage of the girls here without reason?" Madame B. said, her smile cold as it always was and suddenly Natasha's lungs refused to breathe.</p><p>"You..."</p><p>She felt sick, so close to throwing up. She tried to keep the horror of her face, to go emotionless but the emotions were determined to overwhelm her.</p><p>And then it got worse.</p><p>A searing pain burned against the back of her left hand and she hissed, glancing down at it, especially some device or instrument causing her pain. Sometimes they did that. When she would think the training was over and catch her by surprise. But what she saw made her heart thud loudly in her chest.</p><p>Words inked into her skin on her hand, just below her knuckles. She stared, uncomprehending at them.</p><p>Then it was snatched up, Madame B. turning the words away from Natasha's eyes to see for herself, glaring distastefully at them. Natasha tried to pull her hand back but Madame B's grip was unrelenting, gripping so hard Natasha thought her wrist would break like the girls had.</p><p>"A pity," Madame B. said as Natasha struggled, her voice portraying sadness Natasha knew she didn't feel as she turned to a woman who stood close by. "Have them removed."</p><p>"No!" Natasha hissed, yanking her hand back but didn't get much further before a prick was felt in her neck. Instantly her head fuzzed up and she fell to the floor, the stone cold on her body.</p><p>She couldn't move as she was surrounded. Her eyes flicked to her hand laid out in front of her, but her vision was too blurred to make out the words of her soulmate.</p><p>Her eyes slipped shut.</p><p>The next time they opened, it would be to find a scar in the place where her soulmate's name should have been and an emptiness in her heart.</p><p>Still, she couldn't help but brush her fingers over the scar, tears spilling silently down her face as she whispered in a broken voice.</p><p>"I'll find you."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>✒This was super long. Sorry if I got any of this wrong. I did do some research on Natasha's time in the red room so hopefully most of this is accurate✒</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: strong violence⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Happy was looking past Tony when really, he should be paying attention to the match which made Tony look around to see...</p><p>...oh.</p><p>Tony swallowed hard, meeting the eyes of the both familiar and unfamiliar woman who just walked into the room, a file under her arm. She looked at him and his breath caught.</p><p><em>'This is her!'</em> His mind screamed. <em>'This is </em><em>the</em><em> one!'</em></p><p>"I promise you this is the only time I'll ask you to sign over your company," Pepper said, snapping the trance as the woman turned away.</p><p>Happy tapped a gloved hand on his head gaining back Tony's attention. "Rule number one. Never take your eyes off of your oppo—"</p><p>Tony kicked him in the stomach making Happy stumble and fall back into the ropes.</p><p>"That's it, I'm done!" Happy squeaked before Tony could punch him.</p><p>Tony grinned, grabbing his bottle of energy drink as he pointed at the lady talking to Pepper. "What's your name, lady?"</p><p>"Rushman. Natalie Rushman."</p><p>Tony pretended that the words didn't bother him. It was so close to his soulmate's name, yet completely different. He had hoped that maybe this was the one. There was something about her that seemed to call him.</p><p>And the look in her eyes too, spoke of a lie. But he didn't press the issue. He didn't want Natalie pissed at him if he pushed her too hard.</p><p>Besides, if she was his soulmate, his Natalia Romanova, she would say so, right? Maybe she didn't want to tell him in front of other people.</p><p>Or maybe it was pointless wishing. Perhaps she wasn't his soulmate at all.</p><p>Tony shook himself out of his daze. "Front and center. Come into the church."</p><p>A smile flickered across Natalie's face as Pepper gave an exasperated sigh. "No, you're not actually gonna—"</p><p>"If it pleases the court," Tony cut across her. "Which it does."</p><p>Pepper glanced at Natalie who just smiled. "It's no problem," she told her as she walked over to the ring.</p><p>"I'm sorry. He's very...eccentric," Pepper tried, shaking her head.</p><p>Tony lifted the ropes, watching as Natalie ducked under them, her green eyes on his as she straightened. A sense of calm washed over him as he looked her over. Long curled red hair, deep green eyes, full red lips. Tony would probably drool if he didn't have a bottle between his teeth, drinking quickly from at, suddenly thirsty.</p><p>Natalie's eyes still didn't leave his when he lowered his energy drink, some unspoken message going between them that made Tony blurt out. "What?"</p><p>The corner of Natalie's mouth twitched, but otherwise her expression didn't change. Tony was almost disappointed as he turned to Happy. "Can you, uh, give her a lesson?"</p><p>"No problem," Happy said though he still looked out of breath from the last fight.</p><p>Tony hopped out of the ring, going over to where Pepper was sitting on a couch looking at her phone.</p><p>Tony sat beside her, watching Happy instruct Natalie who kept looking back at Tony. Her expression looked almost...unsettled.</p><p>"Who is she?" He asked to no one in particular.</p><p>"She is from Legal and she is potentially a very expensive sexual harassment lawsuit if you keep ogling her like that," Pepper explained.</p><p>"I need a new assistant by the way," Tony said, ignoring the underlying threat Pepper had placed. Like he'd try anything so inappropriate to cause Rushman to file a restraining order against him.</p><p>"Yes and I've got three excellent potential candidates. They're lined up and ready to meet you," Pepper explained.</p><p>"I don't have time to meet. I need someone now," Tony said, watching as Natalie looked once again at him. "I feel like it's her."</p><p>Pepper scoffed. "No, it's not."</p><p>"Have you ever boxed before?" Happy was asking Natalie who nodded.</p><p>"I have, yes" she answered. She'd removed her heels she was wearing, standing barefoot before the large man.</p><p>"Like, Tae Bo? Booty Boot Camp? Crunch? Something like that?" Happy asked. Tony rolled his eyes. And Pepper worried about him being the offending one? Seriously?</p><p>"How do you spell your name, Natalie?" Tony called, distracting her from possibly murdering Happy which she looked like she wanted to.</p><p>"R-U-S-H-M-A-N," Natalie spelled out.</p><p>Tony clapped his gloved hand together and a holographic display opened up on the glass table beside him.</p><p>"What, are you gonna google her now?" Pepper said in disbelief.</p><p>"Hm?" Tony hummed as records on Natalie Rushman opened up. "I thought I was 'ogling' her?"</p><p>Tony could feel Natalie's eyes on him though he didn't look up at her. Beside him, Pepper sighed, clearly done with Tony.</p><p>"Oh, wow," Tony mumbled, genuinely impressed. "Very, very impressive individual. She's fluent in French, Italian, Russian, Latin. Who speaks Latin?"</p><p>Pepper shook her head. "No one speaks Latin. It's a dead language."</p><p>Tony was barely paying attention as he went through the other records, looking for some information on Natalie's soul mark but found nothing.</p><p>He knew it was a longshot though he wasn't surprised that it wasn't recorded. Many people were private about their soul mark's. Especially him. Not even Pepper knew about his mysterious Natalia Romanova. No one did.</p><p>Tony fought back a flush at a picture of Natalie modeling in minimum clothing. Oh boy, that was definitely doing things to him. It may not be his soulmate but he was definitely interested in having some fun with this girl.</p><p>Pepper was still speaking. "You can read Latin or you could write Latin but—"</p><p>"Did you try her out? Because she might wanna try out," Tony stated, looking up at Natalie who at that moment, looked over at him, their eyes meeting and that feeling of rightness came back. "I need her. She's got everything that I need."</p><p>Those words were spoken with a lot more meaning behind them than a simple assistant.</p><p>"Rule number one," Happy said which made Tony roll his eyes. Happy seemed to take great pleasure in repeatedly saying that rule at whatever chance he got. "Never take your eyes off of your oppone—"</p><p>Just as Happy punched, or more like a jab with no intention to cause any damage, Natalie grabbed his wrist without even looking, twisting it to the left. Happy yelped as Natalie lifted herself off the floor, wrapped her legs around Happy's neck and used her weight and the momentum to flip him, slamming him down on the ring floor with a loud bang.</p><p>"Oh my God!" Pepper exclaimed while Tony sat up straight, eyes wide.</p><p>Oh yes, he was definitely interested.</p><p>"Happy?" Pepper asked, his voice laced with concern as Tony stood, walking over to the ring.</p><p>"That's what I'm talking about!" Tony insisted with an appreciative smile towards Natalie who gracefully got to her feet.</p><p>"I just slipped," Happy tried as he struggled to stand, clinging to the ring's ropes.</p><p>"You did?" Tony asked, hitting the trip bell. "Looked like a T.K.O. to me."</p><p>Natalie stepped out of the ring, straightening her clothes and flashed Tony a slightly smug smile. "I need your impression."</p><p>"You have a quiet reserve," Tony said instantly, not a second thought processing. "I don't know. You have an old soul—"</p><p>"I mean your fingerprint," Natalie corrected as she opened the folder she'd brought with her.</p><p>Ah.</p><p>"Right," Tony mumbled, pressing his thumb to the ink pad and pressed it to the sheet of paper.</p><p>Pepper walked over with a smile, clearly relieved that they were nearly done with this. "So, how are we doing?"</p><p>"Great. You're the boss," Tony said with a smile. He really did care about Pepper a lot and the relieved smile she gave him made Tony feel a thousand times better.</p><p>"Will that be all, Mister Stark?" Natalie asked as she shut the folder.</p><p>"No," Tony stated.</p><p>"Yes," Pepper said before Tony could continue. "Thank you very much."</p><p>Natalie gave Tony one last curious look before she turned and walked away. Tony's eyes followed her as she walked out the door. "I want one."</p><p>"No."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>⚠️Warning: angst, mentions of character death, strong language⚠️</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Steve didn't know what to make of the future.</p>
<p>It still shocked him that he had survived as a chunk of ice for ninety years. It shouldn't have been possible but clearly it was. He was there, wasn't he?</p>
<p>Steve had instantly taken a liking to Phil Coulson, an Agent of the corporation called Shield. He was normally following the Agent around like a lost puppy.</p>
<p>And he did feel lost. He didn't know what he was meant to do with himself anymore. He was still Captain America. He knew that by the way people looked at him when he passed. But there was no war to fight.</p>
<p>And then there was the other lost feeling he felt because of loss. He lost his best friend. He never got over the death of Bucky Barnes. If he had been faster on that train...</p>
<p>And now he was alone in a world he didn't recognize. Everything seemed to have changed while he stayed the same.</p>
<p>He adjusted. Or at least, he tried to. But it was hard. Especially knowing one thing for absolute certainty.</p>
<p>He would never meet his soulmate.</p>
<p>It had been ninety years. Whoever his soulmate had been was long gone. Steve wished he could have at least apologized to them for never being there for them but now he would never get to tell them sorry. He wouldn't get to tell them that he loved them.</p>
<p>At least, he was convinced that was the case. His soul mark was still the same but he doubted it meant anything. When a soulmate dies, the mark was meant to go a silver white but still his soul mark still stood out black on his skin. But he figured his time in the ice or the experiments to make him Captain America screwed up his biology and now his mark wouldn't change.</p>
<p>Now all it did was serve at a reminder of what he had lost, what he could have had. Half the time he couldn't stand seeing it so he avoided looking at it whenever he showered and covered it up whenever he dressed. It just hurt now whenever he looked at it.</p>
<p>But Steve hoped that maybe he could move on from it all. Phil had been helping him get more comfortable with the future and even hoped sometimes that Phil saw him as more than Captain America, a man out of time. He wanted Coulson to see him as a person and a friend.</p>
<p>But then there was the sandy blond that seemed to hang around Phil almost as constantly as Steve did himself. Twice the guy had dropped out of the <em>vents</em> while Steve was talking to Phil. Steve wasn't sure if he was doing it on purpose to annoy him or if he really just liked hanging around Phil as much as Steve did.</p>
<p>When he introduced himself he said his name was Clint Barton, another Shield Agent. Phil seemed to have a fondness of Clint that Steve didn't understand and wasn't sure he liked. He thought perhaps he may be jealous of the younger Agent which would be ridiculous. They were just work partners.</p>
<p>Or at least, that's what Steve had thought until the day he'd poked his head into Phil's office to ask how to open his phone screen again to find a heartbreaking sight.</p>
<p>Phil was sitting at his desk with Clint sat securely in the other Agents lap. Steve could see the tight grip Clint had on the back of Phil's work uniform, the sandy blond's hands shaking ever so slightly, his face buried into Phil's shoulder. Steve realized Clint was crying.</p>
<p>"Make it stop," Clint mumbled, his voice cracking. "It hurts, p-please."</p>
<p>"Hush, I know," Coulson murmured, running a soothing hand through Clint's hair who lifted his head to look at Phil. His face was tear stained, his blue grey eyes rimmed red. Steve told himself he should leave, that he shouldn't be seeing this but he was frozen to the spot. "It'll stop in a few minutes."</p>
<p>"Now. I w-want it to stop n-now," Clint demanded though it was a weak attempt.</p>
<p>"It will stop. You need to wait it out," Phil spoke softly. "It'll stop soon. It always does, you know that."</p>
<p>"Doesn't s-stop the m-memories," Clint hissed out, his voice almost slurring. "I w-was only twelve, P-Phil. Just a k-kid. Why would he—?"</p>
<p>"Because he was a bad person," Phil stated firmly. "And he's dead now. He can't hurt you. You made sure of that, remember?"</p>
<p>Clint nodded stiffly. "I was just p-protect Mum. That's it. And he...he just...fuck, it h-hurts!"</p>
<p>"A couple more minutes and it should stop," Phil promised. "You're doing so well. Just a little longer."</p>
<p>Clint whimpered, reaching up a hand to touch his ears as if he wasn't able to hear Phil before grimacing and dropping them again. "Didn't even s-save her. She's dead. They both are. Had to kill h-him. Deserved it."</p>
<p>Phil nodded, brushing away a stray tear from Clint's face. "He did deserve it. You did everything you could have done for her. You're so strong. Most people would have broken under the things you went through. But you're here now, aren't you?"</p>
<p>Clint took a shuddering breath. "I w-wish I w-wasn't."</p>
<p>Steve forced himself to turn away and hurried back to his room unsure what to think of what he just heard.</p>
<p>When Steve ran into Clint next, it was awkward to say the least. Steve avoided Clint's eyes and said only a stiff hello. Clint had narrowed his eyes, clearly suspicious but didn't say anything until after the meeting they were at was over.</p>
<p>Clint had pulled him aside saying he needed to speak to him about a mission but as soon as they were alone, Clint had crossed his arms with a huff. "What did you find out?"</p>
<p>Steve licked his dry lips. "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>Clint raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"</p>
<p>Steve sighed, knowing he was a terrible liar to begin with so there was no point in trying to be a good one now. "I...I accidentally saw what happened in Phi— in Coulson's office yesterday."</p>
<p>"You...oh," Clint swallowed, glancing away. "Right."</p>
<p>"Are you, um, okay?" Steve asked, unsure if Clint was annoyed at him or not.</p>
<p>"I am now," Clint mumbled, glancing at him. "How much did you hear?"</p>
<p>"Just that you were in some kind of pain and...something about your Mum. That you killed someone," Steve admitted reluctantly.</p>
<p>Clint's eyes went dark. "Sometimes my ears play up on me," he said after a moment. "I'm practically deaf. Something when I was little screwed my hearing up for me and when I wear hearing aids for long periods of time my ears start hurting. I was on a mission and couldn't take them out till I got back to Shield."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have listened to that or even seen it. It was private and—"</p>
<p>"Rogers, please. That's not even one of the worst things you could have overheard Phil and I talking about," Clint said, smiling just slightly. "Like you said, it was an accident. Accidents happen."</p>
<p>"Right, yeah," Steve said, nodding stiffly. "I just...if I can make this up to you somehow or—"</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it," Clint said, shaking his head. "Besides, now I get an excuse to talk to you."</p>
<p>"You...wanted to talk to me?" Steve asked, confused. "Why?"</p>
<p>Clint gave him a lopsided grin. "Not sure. Everyone says you're super important and stuff but I've never heard of Captain America in my whole life."</p>
<p>"Really?" Steve muttered. He hadn't met someone before he had no idea who he was or the things he had done. It was...rather refreshing.</p>
<p>"Never before you were found in that ice," Clint agreed. "Just something else about you. I'm not sure what but...it draws me to you. It feels important. You don't feel it?"</p>
<p>Steve opened his mouth to deny it but realized with a sudden certainty that Clint was right. Like a pull. "Yeah, I feel it."</p>
<p>Clint winked. "See you around, Captain."</p>
<p>Steve stared after the blond as he walked away, but for once the word 'Captain' wasn't a title. It was almost like a private joke between them.</p>
<p>Steve smiled, the first smile he'd had since he woke up in the future.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>✒Stevey and Clint doing some bonding ❤💕✒</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>